Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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