Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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