the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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