I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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