I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
