I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
