They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
