Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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