Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
