Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
