Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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