There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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