i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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