the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
