Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The air was thick with penises
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Randomize
