i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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