that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
