Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
