Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
