All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
