who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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