Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
