i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
