Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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