dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
