theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
