I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
