dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
