just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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