it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
