She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
