You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
