Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
we made out on top of his cat.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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