Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
