So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
