I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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