so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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