pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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