the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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