no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
