and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My penis needs a shock collar
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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