I wanna passion pit in your ass
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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