Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Ketchup is God's man juice
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
