i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
