He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
