they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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