i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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