if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Houston, we have a squirter
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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