you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Pants are for mortals
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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