Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We got so high we made milksteak
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
