You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
