Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
