We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
