Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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