Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
