I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You have to summon your inner elephant
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
