I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
