i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
