the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
