She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
