I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
