Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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