What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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