my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
