Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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