Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
