...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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It's shark week go big or go home
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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