he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
