If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
