Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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