I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
