there was a trapeze. enough said
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
