I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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