She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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