I skipped work to stalk him.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
