you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
