I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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