Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
