Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
